Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
