i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
