I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
