Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
