Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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