apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
