I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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