i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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