you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
