You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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