I smell stomach acid.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
