Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
