Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
