shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
