im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
