i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
