im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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