The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
