he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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