Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
