Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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