Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
