i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
