So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
then he tried to convert me to islam
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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