So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
