I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
