need another drink. this is the easiest way
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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