life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
