Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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