i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
