make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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