It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
