I am puke
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
