Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
