Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
