high people should be assigned attendants
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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