look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
