Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
