the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
