We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
