I think i peed on brittanys purse
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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