oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
