I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
