my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
