she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
