I think my vagina is haunted
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
