TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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