I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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