in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
