Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
