At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
