Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
