Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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