all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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