he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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